Videogame characters have a tough life, it’s a constant struggle to achieve, get to the next save point or even survive. Some characters have died multiple times in the short time that I’ve known them, albeit usually because of my ineptitude. Some times they must think ‘forget this saving the Earth bollocks, I’m going to the pub’.
These are the 10 characters that we’d like to buy a pint.
Nathan Drake – Uncharted
Undoubtedly a man’s man, and one with a whole host of stories to tell. He’d have the whole table on tenterhooks as he regales us all with tales of his globetrotting adventures. He’s a likeable guy too, not to mention a top-drawer scarf wearer. Overall a good choice of drinking buddy.
Drink of choice: Becks. Definitely a lager drinker but one with taste. Would turn his nose up at flavoured water brands like Carling and Fosters.
Travis Touchdown – No More Heroes
A fun guy, no doubt, a few drinks with Travis would be strewn with laughter, especially when he starts knocking them back. Whether the evening being saved every time he visits the toilet is a good thing would probably depend on your state at the end of the night but at that point who’d care anyway.
Drink of choice: Rum and coke, double, obvs. Wouldn’t mess around with the drinking, straight to the rum.
Snake – Metal Gear Solid
Another one for the stories, and ones that if I didn’t know Snake in advance I’d presume were the inane ramblings of a paranoid drunk. There would probably be issues with him constantly wanting to smoke but at least a knock on the bar will get you served immediately.
Drink of choice: mineral water. Did you see what Snake went through in MGS3? He’d order a bottle of water and sip it slowly through the night.
Tifa – Final Fantasy VII
The added bonus to drinking with Tifa is that you’d probably end up drinking in her own bar so you’d get discounts on your drinks. Final Fantasy is awash with maudlin characters but Tifa stands out as more fun than Cloud and Squall, less girly and irritating than Vaan, and generally more engaging than most of FF’s dullards.
Drink of choice: Southern Comfort and lemonade. Feminine but strong.
Mario – Mario 64
Mario is a good guy to know, so why not grab a beer with him. You need your toilet unblocking or rescuing from a castle, Mario’s your man. Keep him on side, he looks like a drinker too.
Drink of choice: Stella. He’s a plumber, just get ‘em down yer son.
Dr Eggman – Sonic
So many questions. Where did he buy his fantastic jacket? How does he maintain that wonderful moustache? How much did he raise over Movember? Why are his legs so thin when he looks kind of fat? Why does he hate Sonic so much? Hopefully he’ll open up when he’s had a few.
Drink of choice: Carlsberg. Just look at that beer belly. Carlsberg don’t do evil villains but if they did…
HK-47 – Knights of the Old Republic
A robot that hates all humans may not initially sound like the best drinking accomplice but as the night rumbles on and everybody else is getting raucous, the lines from HK would be hilarious. If he finds humans annoying he’ll hate to be in a building full of drunken ones.
Drink of choice: oil. He’s a robot, go figure.
Professor Layton – the ‘and the mystical sounding thing’ games
The post chess club drinks with Layton would be an enlightening experience, you’d learn a lot over the course of the evening. He might however just spend his time doing Sudoku’s and giving you brain bending puzzles to do. Just make sure he chains that kid up outside, he couldn’t challenge 13 let alone 21.
Drink of choice: red wine. Sophisticated.
Conker – Conker’s Bad Fur Day
The premier videogame drinker, any night with Conker is going to be hilarious, debauched, slightly terrifying and will probably end up in you being covered in squirrel urine. Conker’s Bad Fur Day starts with Conker being kicked out of a pub, how we wish we had the chance to join him.
Drink of choice: all of them, each one followed by a shot of absinthe.
Brucie – GTA IV
Brucie is completely bonkers and would be great value on a night out, swaying between crazy and full on steroid rage throughout. Throw some drink in him and the false machismo would become even more hilarious.
Drink of choice: protein shake. The natural accompaniment to steroids.