What are you doing right now? WRONG. You’re going to the 3DS Shop and downloading Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3 for three hundred and sixty pence, that’s what you’re doing. What’s that? You don’t have a 3DS? Buy one you silly person. It’s only £139.99 and then you can download all the copies* of Wario Land you want.
If you have already done this (as a surprise byproduct of heading online to download the also-amazing Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D demo), well done you. Ours is a greatness the likes these other sorts will never know. We’re awesome. Have a bun, us.
Honestly, this is the best surprise game release since sliced bread**. I’d read that it had been passed for classification (classification: this game is awesome) by the BBFC or whoever the Australian equivalent of that is but didn’t think they’d shove it up there with next to no promotion. Ergo, I do the promotion. If you have to, get a job for an hour as the game costs less than minimum wage. Then you can spend the rest of your days dashing around its many stages of often spitefully difficult platforming levels with the nastiest grin this side of Skeletor. What more could you ask for? WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
For more recommendations that border on threats, check out Rambleast right the hell now…sorry, if you like, I mean…
*You can download one copies of Wario Land.
**Was released for the Commodore 64